Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
