someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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