It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
