erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
