I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize