when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
