My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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