All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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