i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's official drugs can't kill me
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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