I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
