Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
