It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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