Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
