Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
