dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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