shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
