if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How does one acquire holy water?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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