My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
