You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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