took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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