I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
