guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
