I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
