No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
well you can't waste a boner
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
