just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
