its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize