Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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