He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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