new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
