The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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