I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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