gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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