The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
