Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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