just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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