I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
