I can text with my tongue
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
