real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
