No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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