Tell her she can't have a vagina
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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