that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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