Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i believe in u and ur pee
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