No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
