I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
