I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
