i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
