its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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