That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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