420 ftw
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
