I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize