Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
