My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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