So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
