So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
