Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
