next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
