I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
