I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize