I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize