someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
