So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
