I can text with my tongue
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
