Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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