The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
