Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
