once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
