well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
