Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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