i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
