I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
