she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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