when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
