yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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