Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
