she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
