He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize