Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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