I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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