Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
NoShamevember. You game?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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