i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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