he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
