and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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