can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
