Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
