You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
