I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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