no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dick very happy bro
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
