She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
