I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize