The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
